Day 5 - Guilty Mind, Guilty Tummy / by Rattaya Nagorski

I cheated. For shame!

I woke up today, not hating the fact that I couldn't eat some things. I read in some blogs that it would take a good four-five days, or even a week, to be robotic about saying no to things without feeling the craves, and just eating what the plan said to eat. Maybe it was reading that and my mind set a goal for it to happen, but I was glad I woke up feeling this way. 

But then I did something bad for dinner. Really bad. And I regret it. It actually haunted me.

I was fine with lunch, even the LaraBar snack, and living in Houston area, I was fine with sitting in traffic. I picked up my cousin Ammy and her boyfriend Anthony from the airport and, we had planned on going to a Chinese buffet. Of course, red flags plagued my mind, but I didn't want to be that picky person that changed plans. They were respectful of my demands, of course, but I was going to go along. Chinese buffet was going to be a challenge.

They were four things I could eat, besides the watermelon and grapes. I put green beans on my plate, soft shell crab that was fried and covered with spices, and grilled short ribs. The fourth thing would have been the side salad with boiled egg. I already had that for lunch, so I stayed away from it. I had hoped that they did not use any butter with either one, but then remembered that Chinese buffets don't use butter, just a lot of oil. 

Then this is where it all went wrong. I justified the situation that if I were to pay for more than $10 for this meal, I should make it worth it. Then I indulged. I wasn't craving the foods, I didn't hanker for the eggrolls or dumplings. I just wanted to make the meal worth the price. Now, when I said I indulged, I did not have any dessert. The only sweet was the sweet and sour sauce I ate with the chicken egg roll. And I had a little bit of fried rice, and a little bit of noodles. I didn't die, I didn't become so bloated, but I didn't feel good about it, either. I definitely felt guilty. Yes, guilty. 

That guilty mind went straight to my stomach. I didn't have aches or anything, but I didn't feel good about it. It was detrimental only to me, regardless of how much I paid for the meal. I had promised to do well, promised to stick through with it, and promised to not become such a failure. When I texted a friend about being at the Chinese buffet, he immediately texted back "FAILURE." And I was. 

But no need to sulk all day and all night, I made a mistake and I felt bad. But I'm going to revive back my focus and continue on this Whole30 Challenge. No, I will not restart my day counts, I simply hit a pothole and coming back up. 

Yumlicious from Trader Joe's

Yumlicious from Trader Joe's

Here's my food plan today:

Breakfast:

White Smoothie from The Fresh Market. (Coconut  flakes, coconut milk, fuji apples, and one other apple that I don't remember.)

Lunch:

Salad bar at Whole Foods, consisting of salad mix, carrot sticks, whole boiled egg, guacamole that was littered so much with red onions that I wasn't sure why they called it guacamole, cooked cabbage, and cauliflower. 

Snack:

LaraBar (Cashew Cookie)

Dinner

The dreadful Chinese buffet. I didn't overload though, I ate somewhat decent amount, but I sure cheated. For shame!

Onward to Day 6!